Marital Intimacy

I was quite curious how the topic of marital intimacy would be handled in a conservative religious college setting. It was an eye opening lesson because I learned so much and I felt that the situation was still kept very appropriate. I remember my bishop telling the young men in my ward when I was in high school that if they can only wait till marriage, anything goes. One of my friends who heard the lesson questioned whether or not this was true doctrine. Then I learned in my LDS marriage and family class that this was not the case. That there are still unwholesome sexual intimate practices within marriage. I was confused at what this meant and I was very glad that we addressed the topic in my class. Without being to graphic for just anyone to read, I would like to say that I agree with the teachings that there are unwholesome practices within marriage. You should never use sexual intimacy or any intimacy to reward or punish your spouse. Love withdrawal is mocking the powerful relations that God has given to us. We should respect our spouses and respect ourselves by using intimacy to strengthen the bonds of marriage and to express love and devotion to the partner. Other inappropriate uses of intimacy include coercion and unwholesome fantasies of your spouse. Sexual relations are very normal and very natural and a newly wed couple who has practiced abstinence until marriage should not be afraid of sex. It is something beautiful that God has given to us to express love, devotion, and create a union of souls within a marriage. How wonderful!! As long as a couple is respectful for what this divine part of us is, we should learn and grow so much closer to our spouses through sexual relations. On that note I would like to emphasize that sexual relations outside of marriage is a mockery of the real God given blessing that it is. It is absolutely inappropriate outside of marriage. I am grateful to have learned these things!!!

How children can affect a marriage

I recently did a paper on how having children changes the marriage relationship. As I researched I read a lot of articles in academic journals where the researchers' tests and hypothesis's were centered around the idea that having children can really wear at a marriage. As I researched church articles, they came from a different perspective. They talked about how to make your marriage grow stronger and how to adjust to the changes of having a baby. I like having the combination of the two types of articles because I could see what kind of challenges face new parents and what other factors determine whether or not having children helps or hinders a marriage relationship. My findings seemed to to be unanimous. Having children does NOT solve marriage problems. PERIOD!!! That is definitely a false notion if anyone has ever thought that. Also, it is important to continue to work on your marriage and continue to work on the things you were before having the child in order to keep proper balance in your life. Children take up a lot of time. Especially infants because you cant really leave them alone. This is no excuse though for putting off the time that you normally spend with your spouse. We studied a principle in my marriage prep class called parallel marriage. It is when the husband and the wife are basically living two separate lives under the same roof. If you feel the division of labor should be that the man needs to work to provide and the women need to stay home and take care of the children, make sure that there is enough interaction in the home that the two worlds are not separate. One way of making sure that your marriage does not suffer from the demands of a new baby and all the other responsibilities involved in the marriage, is to make sure that you have AT LEAST 5 hours spent devoted to improving your marriage and drawing closer to your spouse. It may even be more for some couples but I would put danger into anyones mind who things that they are an exception to the 5 hour minimum rule. Marriage does not just grow stronger over time without any effort. It seems most of the studies, both from academic journals and from church related articles stated that the effects that children have on a marriage greatly depend on how the couple takes in the new blessing in their lives. If they use it to grow stronger in their marriage and work together it can be the greatest blessing in the world. But when a baby takes the place of a spouse, time, love, and attention wise, the situation can be harmful to a marriage. What an incredible time in a young couples life to have the opportunity to become new parents!!! Don't let this time be damaging!!! Let it help nurture your love for each other as you serve each other and serve your little baby!!