Effecting Change in Eachother

A lot of people, especially women, have the notion that once you get married you will be able to change the little things about your spouse that you don't exactly like. There is no way we can expect to pinpoint what we consider weaknesses in our spouses and change them. However, there is a way that we can influence them to change themselves! For instance, Tim knows that I am disorganized. It used to really frustrate me becauase he would try and go through all of my stuff and tell me what homework to do next and how to do it so that I would be more effective and organized in my studies. This drove me nuts! I certainly don't learn or study the same way that he does so it was frustrating to the both of us. The next time he tried to do that I politely declined and he didn't push it. I notice that he spends more time in the library studying than he does at home. When I tried this, I noticed that I couldn't get up every few minutes to chat with my roommates or to eat something or get distracted by the tv. It slowly became something that I could do more often instead of just when I was swamped. Also, Tim writes all his assignments down before he starts his homework and puts a star by the things that he absolutely cannot leave the library without doing. This helped me too as I was able to implament this into my own study habits. I also didn't feel like I had someone looking over my shoulder telling me what to do all the time. One thing about Tim that I saw as a weakness is he has a quick temper with his roommates. He isn't ever mean to them but he isn't really nice to them either. I started to ask his roommates how they were doing and if I was cooking for Tim at his apartment, I would invite his roommates to come too! I discovered that if I was engaging in good conversation with his roommates then Tim would catch interest too and felt closer to them because he knew more about them, so in turn he was nicer to them!! I know that as amazing as Tim is, I am sure if we got married I would find that there are a few more things that bug me about Tim and vice versa. We should take these opportunities to find how we can be a better influance on them to become better people. Letting the little things slide is also VERY important! If your spouse is grumpy, recognize that and be completely supportive of them. If they are grumpy, there are usually things you can do to lighten their load so that they can do something they enjoy to brighten up their mood. Everyone gets grumpy every once in a while! Learning to help eachother and be completely supportive in their growth and learning will in return help you to learn and grow too!